My Thai-English Dictionary Has Wavy Hair, Killer Legs

I have huge crush on my Thai language teacher. Enormous. I can’t sleep at night.

I think it has to do something with her possessing knowledge that I desire. It’s happened before, that I’ve fallen for a woman who merely taught me something. Shown me something. Anything.

Here, have some real-world examples:

• The political history of Malaysia;
• Bandaging homeless people;
• Mushroom farming;
• Balancing chi energy through massage;
• Importance of moisturizers and hair masks;
• Chick-lit;
• Various dog breeds;
• How to not hate babies; and
• That women will overreact about most things and won’t listen to logic or principle, so just play the game and password-protect your phone, you can’t win anything, here.

And now, the Thai language. Continue reading

I am exactly like a Greek god.

The last time I wrote a blog post was about 4 years ago. My friends — the ones I met through blogging, which was embarrassing back then though merely called “networking” now — and I shut down our somewhat-popular blogs because we were no longer interested in writing for free.

“Fuck this shit, man! I could be out there making $1 per word! All this brainpower could be going to a novel! All these insights and quips wasted on goddamn Livejournal! Do these people even get get it? Fuck this shit.” Continue reading

I hope this ends well.


When I wake up, I meditate, masturbate, brush my teeth and then sit in front of my laptop and pump out 750 words. I forgot where I got this from, but it seemed like a good habit to start. I stopped writing consistently years ago and this seemed an effective way to get my fingers used to typing again.

Maybe 600 of the words would be shit. Sometimes I’d cheat and type “one, two, three…” to pad the word count. Well, it’s not cheating; there’s no such thing. But the other 150 words, Jesus Christ, some of it was gold.

So I’ll keep typing the 750 words every morning, because the rapid-fire typing helps my brain and fingers stay in sync. But I also need a more conscious, more purposeful place to write, and that’s what this is for. This is where I will rewrite. This is where I will edit.