This is fucking crazy. You mean all I had to do was ask my dream girl if I could go visit her in Singapore and she would say yes? Why didn’t anyone tell me?
That’s the thing about life: no one told me that all of these things were possible if you just did them. I was brought up to ask permission or to wait for someone to give me the thumbs up to proceed. For the past decade, I’ve been testing this protocol – quitting jobs, traveling months to Asia, moving to Asia, not having a career, blah dee fucking blah – and I’m beginning to learn that it’s better just to do shit.
I haven’t “learned”; I’m still “beginning to learn” because it’s not completely habit yet. I mean, I’m used to people being against what I’m doing and doing it anyway (that’s habit), but I’m still shocked at the whole precept of “You Don’t Need Permission To Do Anything (And No One Will Give It To You Anyway)”. So every year I push and push and push, and I receive and receive and receive. By my calculations, when I’m 46 years old I’ll be fucking invincible.
So this girl, this absolute dream girl, but also reality girl because I met up with her last December in Bangkok – she was single and then not single and then single and then not single with her Korean-American expat boyfriend. I was also in a relationship for the better part of the year, so our communication simmered to just a food picture here or asking for advice there (I traveled to Southeast Asia with my girlfriend at the same time she traveled to California with her boyfriend).
Months later – and a month ago from now – I messaged her that I was back in Asia. “I’m unemployed and single again,” I told her. It wasn’t a flirt, it wasn’t a loaded statement. “Must be an epidemic; I just broke up with my boyfriend, too.”
“Oh no, so sorry to hear. Wow, you guys are on-and-off. Are you okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said. “The more we break up, the less I’m sad.”
I didn’t dive in headfirst. I did the right thing; I just hung out, messaged her here and there. I tossed small, tiny flirts at her just to stay out of the friendzone. They were harmless but they were obvious. If not tacky as fuck. But the Tacky Zone in better than the Friend Zone so I’ll take it.
“Hey, you in Singapore at the end of the month? I’ll be there for a few days,” I said. It was the truth, I need to kill a few days between Vietnam and Thailand for visa issues. “I don’t have many friends there, I’ll need you to be my tour guide.” This is a lie: I have a shitload of friends in Singapore. “So if you’re too busy, let me know and maybe I’ll go to Kuala Lumpur instead.” You see? Everything’s nicely loaded, right? Low pressure, but I made it clear that she’s the reason I chose that dumb island country where I’ll spend $800 in three days.
“Yeah, I’ll be here,” she said. “I have to go to Jakarta for two days during that time, though.”
“Oh no, well, hope I get to see you.”
“I’ll make time for youuuuuuuuu.” The more “u’s” the more she likes me, isn’t that the rule? Well it is now, motherfuckers.
“Why do you need a tour guide anyway? You’ve been here many times,” she said.
“Well I don’t really need a tour guide. I just want to hang out with you and see how you live.” I think she was double-checking my motives for hanging out, so I double-confirmed them.
Anyway, so that brings me back to: All I had to do was ask? This is a woman of magnificent stock, with thousands of men after her. Dream Girl status. I’m shocked that I got onto her radar on Instagram in the first place; then I was shocked that she set aside a night to eat with me in Bangkok last year; now I’m shocked that I have a fucking date with her in a country that I despise but will move there if I have to. I feel like I pulled off a scam, like she’ll see right through me. But I’m nothing but transparent so what the fuck am I afraid of?
So in a few weeks, I’ll find out. We’ll either get along and I’ll spend the holidays with her, or I’ll finally have nothing stopping me to move to South America and tackle Brazil, Argentina. She’s the last dream girl I have left in Southeast Asia. Anywhere.